Karthik

This is not a blog post about the show, although I hear it's quite good. Here the expanse refers to "the expanse of an early senior year summer" - part of the current introduction to my website because I deem it a semi-acurate fit for the current circumstance of my life.

Because of its association with space, the expanse implies an emptiness in my life. And I guess that emptiness is a reflection of a search for meaning, as cliche as that is. I do most of said searching on a document titled "Goals". It's very general stuff. Right now it lists my job(s), driving, exercise, reading, and assorted outdoor activites like hiking. Looming behind like a cartoon villain peering from a smoke cloud is college applications, but that's a story to tell for another day.

For the last month, the document has remained pretty much the same. Disappointedly, no changes have been made, other than the results of my job search - I got one! But that only went so far. I think I expected more from getting a job; I thought it would be life changing, a period of growth that would mark a first real step into adulthood. But I still feel the same. It's been great, don't get me wrong, but it hasn't been enough to be called transformational.

And I guess that's the real crux of the problem. I want change and answers but nothing I get seems to be enough. The transformation I seek is not made in one day, but is made over every day, and although I recognize that, I'm stil not satisfied.

I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and see how it goes. Time for the update section of this post.

- I finished high school. That final week lived up to all my expectations.

- I interviewed and got a job at Michaels.

- I went to Disneyland on a school trip.

- I went to Walden West for the second time.

- I got my learners permit.

- I went on the Ohlone Wilderness Trail.

- My college application season has ended.

That's it.

Karthik